Here is an example of a conversation between a person with OCD and their partner as they are about to leave the house and go on holiday:
Person with OCD: “I’m not sure we should go. I think I left the oven on.”
Partner: “I checked the oven before we left. It’s definitely off.”
Person with OCD: “Are you sure? Maybe we should go back and check again.”
Partner: “For the love of god, we checked it twice already. It’s off. Can you just trust me for once?”
Person with OCD: “I’m trying, but I can’t shake this feeling. What if something happens to the house while we’re gone?”
Partner: “Fine, let’s go back and check the oven again. But this is getting ridiculous. We can’t keep going back and forth like this.”
Person with OCD: “I know, I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s just my OCD.”
Partner: “Your OCD is driving me crazy. I can’t do this anymore. I need a break.”
Person with OCD: “What do you mean? Where are you going?”
Partner: “I’m going to stay with my parents for a while. I need some space to think.”
Person with OCD: “But what about our holiday? And our plans?”
Partner: “I don’t know. I can’t deal with this right now. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”
What happened in the conversation?
In this conversation, the person with OCD expresses concerns about leaving the oven on, which is a common obsession in OCD. Their partner tries to reassure them, but the person with OCD is unable to shake their anxiety and continues to insist on checking the oven. This causes frustration and resentment in their partner, who eventually decides to take a break from the relationship.
From a psychological perspective, this conversation illustrates the challenges that OCD can create in relationships.
The person with OCD experiences intrusive thoughts and compulsions that they cannot control, which can be distressing and interfere with daily life.
Their partner tries to support and understand them, but they may become frustrated and overwhelmed by the repetitive and seemingly irrational nature of OCD symptoms.
As a result, the relationship may become strained, and the partner may need to take some time to address their own feelings and needs.
Can this conversation have a good ending?
Person with OCD: “I’m not sure we should go. I think I left the oven on.”
Partner: “I checked the oven before we left. It’s definitely off.”
Person with OCD: “Are you sure? Maybe we should go back and check again.”
Partner: “Sweetie, we checked it twice already. It’s definitely off. We need to go or we’ll miss our flight.”
Person with OCD: “I know, but what if we come back and the house is burned down? I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Partner: “I understand that you’re worried, but we’ve taken all the necessary precautions. The house will be fine. Let’s focus on enjoying our holiday instead.”
Person with OCD: “I know this doesn’t make any sense, I’m just…”
Partner: “You are just worried. That’s OK. Sometimes, I’m also worried about all the bad things that might happen. But I remind myself to stay present and trust my memory.”
Person with OCD: “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I just can’t help feeling anxious about it.”
Partner: “It’s okay. I love you and I support you. Let’s work on managing your anxiety together and enjoy our holiday.”
Tips for dealing with similar stressful situations
Here are some tips for a person with OCD on how to stop compulsions and not miss the flight:
- Remind yourself that missing the flight is not the end of the world: Sometimes, the fear of missing the flight can make OCD symptoms worse. Try to remind yourself that missing the flight is not the end of the world and that you can always reschedule or find another way to get to your destination.
- Focus on the present moment: OCD often involves worrying about the future or the past. Try to bring your attention to the present moment and focus on what is happening right now. Notice the sensations in your body, the sounds around you, and the sights you see. This can help you let go of your thoughts and obsessions and be more present in the moment.
- Use relaxation techniques: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness meditation, can help you calm your body and mind. This can make it easier to let go of your compulsions and focus on the present moment.
- Talk to your partner or a mental health professional: If you are having difficulty stopping your compulsions, it can be helpful to talk to your partner or a mental health professional. They can offer support and understanding, and they can help you develop strategies for managing your OCD symptoms.